You figure since you only have about 16 friends and that you could always contact Facebook and tell them that it’s been hijacked, there really can’t be much damage done.
“My username is hermaphrodeity33 and my password is cyclotron123.”
The troll writes it all down on a giveaway notepad from a regional glazier company and then pulls out a laptop that connects to the internet. You wait for him and ask if he needs some help until, in a monotone voice, he reads the latest status updates from one of your friends:
YOU ALL NEED TO WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!11 ALL OF OUR MOVIE STARS ARE BEING REPROGRAMMED BY DARPA!! ITS SO OBVIOUS THAT THE ILLUMINATI HAVE CONTROL OF THE ZIONIST BANKSTERS WHO ARE PLANNING A 40 DEGREE POLE SHIFT OF THE EARTH THROUGH HAARP EARTHQUAKE MACHINES IN 2012!! HAVE YOUR CHICKEN MCNUGGETS ALL BEEN POISONED ENOUGH BY MONSANTO’S MIND-CONTROLLING E-COLI!?!?!
“You must hang wit’ some weird kids at the mall…”, he says to you through the smelly mask. “…cuz now it’s time for a KEEL HAUL!”
You wake up with your wrists and arms tied very tightly together by some green and yellow bungee cords attached to the rear bumper of your own vehicle. It’s being driven probably just under 20 miles per hour, but you wish whoever was driving would go ahead and floor the gas pedal. You remember Indiana Jones being in a similar situation, but of course he had a leather jacket on and that was the movies. And this was asphalt.
If you try to pull yourself up along the cords with your somewhat loose fingers, go to page 35.
If you try wearing away at the cords by having them rub against the road, go to page 52.
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