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    Your response was somewhat shaken and muddled but she didn’t seem to get the idea and went headlong into the pumping. And then of course there’s the 14-karat fact that you’re completely androgynous, an almost perfect hermaphrodite (Five Sexes, $5.45 next to the left-wing zines) of the rarest, Wild Man of Borneo sideshow-category.

    Once your clothes were off and your underpants dropped, she spilled what milk had been siphoned onto the imitation marble counter and, in shock, let slip a giveaway exclamation. “Saint Gang Bing!” That was the patron saint of eunuchs, a tidbit you remembered from a summer copy of St. Anselm’s Almanac ($13.75, 40% off cover-price to believers).

    “She must have come from a Catholic-converted Oceanic family,” you thought. “No Sioux blood here. Shit.” Still, she got past the initial confusion over the oddity soon enough. Now you were side-stepping her kinky advances and suggestions like the one with the toothpaste.

    A few days ago, you’d stopped for a moment to skim through a soggy brochure while cleaning out your great aunt and uncle’s basement back in Portage, Indiana. It was about the Lakota Indians, one of the seven Sioux tribes, and part of it read:

    “33 treaties with the United States have not been honored,” claims Lakota activist Russell Means. Means and The Lakota Freedom Delegation declared the Lakota a sovereign nation with property rights over thousands of square miles in South Dakota, North Dakota, Nebraska, Wyoming and Montana. However, the delegation did not consist of any elected members of Lakota tribes and no Lakota tribal governments have endorsed the declaration.


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