• 194

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    You’re deep in the forest now and Sasquatch, Bigfoot, or the American Yeti, whatever he’s called, sniffs you over like you were faint lingerings of smoked ham to a dog. You’re afraid he might whiff in some kind of natural pheromone of yours. You try scooting away a bit, but he shakes his head with one of those chimpanzee grins, yellow-teeth and all. You almost laugh when you picture the creature being played by Richard Kiel in the MST3K episode of Eegah!.

    “Now how did that captive girl get out of that one?,” you think, going along with your memory of the B-movie as your only point of reference for a situation like this. Once you remember the scene where she shaves Kiel with a bunch of shaving cream, you back out of that line of thought.

    Fortunately, he’s stopped the sniffing for the moment but then you notice old Satchmo systematically tugging on his pizzle. Your instantaneous reaction is to release your highest pitched female scream that curdles its way through the darkening woods. He turns to you and says something in an oafish but Native American-sounding tongue. By some miracle of communication, you realize it’s an apology. You can’t speak the same language, but when you respond in English, you know he can understand you.

    “Why…why did you bring me here?,” you ask.

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    Go to page 60 to find out.

     

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