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    As the car gets closer you notice how much further back the windshield is and then you finally see it.

    “Great Roosevelt Zanders in the morning!”

    The car turns out to be the longest stretch limo this side of a Dikembe Mutombo taffy pull. It has 24 wheels, six in the front, eight in the middle, and ten in the back. The window sections are enormous and, of course, tinted beyond outside inspection.

    The front passenger side window rolls down and a middle-aged man in a white suit and making a big smile greets you, “Congratulations my friend of the road. You’ve been selected to partake of my heaven on wheels. Join us!”

    On the inside, every sensory neuron in your body loses itself in the pleasure of the “tickle-me” seat. New flavors and exhilarations are tasted at their exotic fruit bar. A video game ROM collection compiling all of the essentials (including the ones on Dreamcast) is at your fingertips as are the original controllers. And of course, a place like this wouldn’t be complete without its own music library of congress – with the option of transferring every desired track immediately onto phonograph (yes, the ride is that smooth!).

    Built-in plumbing, an illegal drug selection (that you take no part of, but appreciate the gesture), and a high-caliber sexual partner of nearly every persuasion are only half of what the limousine offers – and all because of a dying man’s last wish to lavish random hitchhikers. After a five week trip and with a belly full of jackfruit, you find yourself at the Salt Lake City International Airport.


    Go to page 66.


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