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    http://yaddlezap.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/159-29-Tom-Waits.mp3|loop=yes

    Vision quest or not, you’re not about to sink to levels of sewage. Still, the idea of fortune by windfall gets you excited. A visit to the casino perhaps? No, a clean lottery ticket somehow feels more appropriate so you buy a few at a Hy-Vee supermarket along with a bag of fortune cookies for good measure.

    The first two tickets you scratch off while sitting in your car in the parking lot leave you empty-handed, so you opt for some I-Ching luck by focusing on whatever fortune follows from the first cookie. You crunch on half of the cookie shell before the blue type on the strip of paper fully registers: Time to say bye. Doesn’t matter why. The End is nigh. You’re going to die.

    This is disconcerting to say the least so you try to put this ill omen out of your mind by driving further westward.

    While visiting the little burg of Kadoka, you decide to have a go at that last lotto ticket. You take it out of your wallet while treading some downtown sidewalk. Whoosh! The wind from a passing semi blows the ticket out of your hands. You chase after the fleeting ticket and reach for it before it’s lost down a street drain. SHMKRACK! Just as you’re making your reach, a Rav 4 with snow chains on its tires runs over your left hand fingers, smashing them into a bloody, advanced-arthritis. The terrible pain causes you to reel backward straight into a $29 cactus on display.

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    Continues on page 102.

     

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