• 116

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    When you hear about efforts to relieve some of the building pressure underground, you feel somewhat relieved yourself. You feel a little like Special Agent Dale Cooper when driving across roads with ominous, tall trees on both sides. Your Zune mocks a hand-held tape recorder.

    “Dianne, these trees, in their natural stranglehold over these man-made inroads, still only do so out of desperation of their federal caretakers…”

    Your brief imitation comes to end once you feel something hit your left front tire.

    “Shit, what was that?” Upon getting in closer to the lump of gurgling fur, you struggle to determine the genus.

    “Is it a cat or dog…or a badger?”

    You take out your window scraper from the floor in the back and use it to lift up the poor thing’s head – enough to see a growling snarl of pointed teeth and giant molars!

    “A WOLVERINE!”

    You rely on the scraper to keep a little distance between the both of you until you back-track your way to the rear of the car and climb up on top of the car as the animal is using intimidation tactics by standing on its hind legs and grinning, almost as if it were glad to be bruised and bloodied. However, the next thing you know, your car is being lifted into the air – something (or someone) is carrying it away! The wolverine has run back into the woods out of fright and you’re too afraid to look underneath your vehicle…

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