BEEYAOW! You pull out one of the pines stuck in your ass, but unintentionally poke a woman’s rear-end with the same pine when you make the flustered yank with your functional hand. She reacts as if you were an assaulter and fires off a can of pepper spray into your already tear-filled face. This has you screaming and running behind the shop adjacent in the alleyway. You obviously weren’t looking where you were going and fall over some low railing into a dumpster, cracking your skull against the dirty steel and falling unconscious.
You become alert again just as you’re being compacted with the trash in a sanitation truck. This process cracks a few of your ribs, making it all the more difficult to breathe and making the claustrophobic two-hour ride into your worst nightmare. You’re emptied out along with the rest of the garbage onto a very steep heap of trash. Your body comes tumbling out, beyond your control, cutting your arms and legs open on twisted Spaghettio cans lids. Your right eye is sliced through the middle by some notepad cardboard of all things. You empathize with that guy who committed seppuku with a bamboo sword in that old samurai film when a rusty sawed-off metal broom stick digs into your small intestines and strings them out.
You look up with your one eye, laying on your back, and read the painted letters on the side of a prehistorically industrial – Lost Dakota Landfill.
“Does this mean I’m in Heaven or…”
Then comes the most unbearable, tormenting pain. The electro-magnet directly overhead is switched on. So strong is its magnetism that it leaches out all of the iron molecules in your blood for some number of excruciating minutes until most of your organs explode.
The End. Finally.
P.S. The landfill cremates your body at 1000 ° centigrade.
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